In this world of crumbling relationships, the first casualty of a divorce is the child. Caught between the two warring sides, the hapless child finds itself lost and torn between a mother and a father. It finds itself being compelled to choose between the two and the emotional trauma this causes is well documented by psychologists.
Meet Uncommon poet Jyotika Pruthi, an assistant professor, who was moved to compose this moving poem based on her experiences of dealing with children who suffered this trauma.
She narrates the events that led to the creation of this poem-
‘I work as a professor in the university and the idea of writing a poem on Parental Alienation Syndrome came up from the classroom experience only. I observed few of my students who were usually seen a little distracted in the class and could not concentrate. This set of students become emotionally weak and tend to forget a lot about their assignments. Then there was a day I thought of spending with a few of them. I tried not to teach them engineering that day, rather let them speak their heart out to me.
This poem actually shows the emotions which a child goes through when he has to keep transiting between his mom and dad. Each one of them had tears while narrating his/her own story that simply revolved around the fights between the parents. So my poem is just an amalgamation of all the emotions. It’s also a message to all the teachers that we should really try to get to the reason of why a particular student is not paying attention in the class. It’s not always that he/she is not in a mood to study- in fact the life’s situation may be harsh for him at that time. So we as mentors should try to counsel them and maybe, one hug can give him a life.’
The poem has been written in the form of a letter from a daughter to her divorced parents, showing the emotions of a girl while she has to stay few days with her mom and then few days with her dad.
Letter of a daughter to her divorced parents
Dear mom and dad,
Do you remember me?
You gave birth to someone and that someone is ME.
Your blood flowing in my veins, my eyes brown like you mommy, my nature is just like you daddy!!
I was three years old: you both got divorced since then I have been giving divorce to myself every day!!
My heart does not call you my parents anymore – it’s just the childhood pictures that say so as that’s the only last place I saw you both together with me!!
When my teacher asks me to draw painting of my family, my pencil falls down as I do not know nor will I ever, know what it’s like to have happily married parents.
When Parents’ day is celebrated in my school, my classmates dedicate their performance to their parents and I dedicate a feeling of frustration.
My friends tell me how it feels when parents take them for an outing , I can’t even tell how it feels to sit down with the parents and have dinner, I can’t tell how it feels to open presents together on birthday, I can’t tell how it feels to go on a vacation with your family.
What I can tell them is how it feels when you have to spend two days with mom, two days with dad, and four days with mom, four days with dad. This cycle is repeated and I call it my vacation, I am with mom I miss you daddy, I am with dad I miss you mommy and it goes on and on.
This world horrifies me as a monster –I have no safe place to hide myself!
Home you said is the safest place, I have no home now, and I am even not orphan, may be orphans are happier than me , I pack my bags and keep roaming, I fall down and I keep falling, I bleed and I keep bleeding, I cry and I keep crying.
I was like an egg, you had to shield me and now I am an egg that’s fallen from the nest, all unshielded from the world!!
So much unshielded that a man comes every night and forcefully pushes me onto the bed and then I call you daddy –help- help- help!!
My pain does not matter to you, for you both winning arguments over each other is more important.
I realise every day that you both married a wrong person, then I took a birth from a wrong person so, I am somehow wrong too.
Books teach me that sorry makes every argument come to an end but you both proved that ego is far stronger than the word sorry.
Romeo and Juliet are dead for me now; you both have proved there is nothing like “unconditional love”.
I am sad, mad, scared, worried, ashamed, guilty, confused, shocked, and angry.
I hate men now and you have taught me that I should never marry -If my own parent’s marriage didn’t work out, how can mine work?
I would make sure that I do not fall in love, because at the end only arguments win, love loses the game!!
Daddy now you have got married again, but step mother hits me every morning, I hate her daddy!!
Can you please be my parents again? Can you both give me birth again??
Can you give me my life exactly as it was when I was 3 years old!!
I need love, attention, nurturing, affection, pampering, I want to sleep on your lap.
I don’t want to be called as a child of divorced parents.
I wish to draw a painting of a happy family and write another poem titled as “Letter of a daughter from happily married parents”
With Love,
Your daughter.
Human relationships are fragile. They require much love and nurturing. When a couple falls apart, their child is the most traumatised because his tiny universe comprising his parents lies shattered. It is beyond his comprehension to understand why the two people who have brought him into the world, should not be there together with him.
The emotional scarring is irreparable.
The Uncommon Box highlights the unfathomable world of human emotions, and is glad that the pain documented in this poem, has voiced the suffering of millions of children.
We commend Jyotika’s endeavour in this matter.
About the writer:
Jyotika Pruthi says that ‘As I come from engineering background, so I see poetry also as a form of engineering where we engineer thoughts, emotions and skilfully play with the words. Showcasing the amalgam of social issues with humour is something I love to do as it helps people to absorb the message in a positive manner. Poetry is a rhythmic way of storytelling that helps the audience and readers to smudge into the emotions gradually. Poetry is like oxygen for me, I teach through it and I learn through it.’
You can follow Jyotika on the following links:
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