Everyone lives different stories in the course of their lives.
The story we are sharing with you, is a tale of common pain overcome by uncommon heroism. Not your average flashy heroism but that quiet strength and courage that guides a spirit through unimaginable pain and suffering. Here is Akshay’s story.
The word Akshay means eternal- yes, indeed, eternal is his victory over trauma, over the loss of what cannot be replaced but can be overcome by determination. We at Team TUB salute the indomitable spirit of Akshay and millions like him.
MY STORY:
Everyone in their life goes through something that changes them that leaves a mark on their heart and soul and that wound, never heals. We just get used to the pain.
It takes a lot of courage to talk about something that gave you that wound.
Someone very dear to me inspired me to be honest and to do what I feel is right and that I should not be scared of what people may think.
So, here I go.
I was 5 years old when my family members pressurized Ma to marry again, since I was still a child and needed a father, they thought.
Succumbing to this pressure, my mother got married to this man who seemed absolutely incompatible with and unworthy of her.
It was nice at first. He used to drop me at school and all. But, something changed, suddenly.
One day, I came back home from school. Ma was still at work, as always. I changed to my regular clothes and asked my step father to play with me. He agreed.
“He laid down and unbuttoned his shirt and asked me to kiss his chest. I did.”
He then pulled down his lower and his hardened penis popped out. He asked me to kiss it. I did. It was hot and hard and something came out of it. I didn’t know what was happening. I had no idea.
I thought he loved me and that was why he had asked me to kiss him. And it went on for a couple of years. It didn’t happen daily but it did.
He also used to hit Ma, I once saw her hand with bandage all over it. It was cut with a glass.
Ma, filed for a divorce and left him. And raised me with Nani. Yet again. Nani used to live nearby though.
I was 6 years old when that happened to me for the first time. And I realised at 19 years that I had been sexually abused as a child. I was in my second year of college. And when I found that out, I went numb. I became silent. I kind of changed.
I’m 22 years old now, and I recently talked shared this experience with a group of survivors and I cried my guts out.
And as I write this, there are tears in my eyes, recalling that incident. Neither Ma nor I were at fault. We won. We survived.
To the people who have survived this, I know it’s hard to talk about it. But try to. People need to know how fucked up this is.
And to the parents, grandparents, siblings and friends, if a child or your friend comes up to you and tells you about weird stuff happening to them, stuff that someone known or anyone else is doing to them.
PLEASE! PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO IT AND TAKE ACTION.
You have no idea how badly it affects an individual’s mind. So please, talk about sexual abuse because it’s real. It still happens. It is still there. Educate. Spread the word. And try to stop this. Please.
There must be hardly anyone who did not feel the cold pain wrapped up in these words. The suffering was real- but so is the triumph over it. As a society we cannot ignore the truth that in most cases of sexual abuse, it is someone close to the victim, someone who has won his innocent trust who turns out to be the betrayer. It is time we spoke out and against this form of extreme violence. Yes, it is violence unleashed in the silence of bedrooms and hushed up in tear stained pillows and sobbing episodes in washrooms.
For those who have lived through this pain, may you find your strength from Akshay’s journey. We know we have.
Team TUB is indebted to Akshay for sharing his story.
About the author:
Akshay Kapoor is a photographer and foodie by day and a writer by night. He is also aspires to be a spoken word poet someday. Something that is very dear to him is the love and compassion that he wants people to feel and experience every day and feel satisfied as well. He’s also a part time traveller who loves exploring a city or a district or whatever interests him like a maniac. You can find him in Delhi either gorging on pizzas anywhere and everywhere or with the love of his life in North Delhi.
Follow his Instagram handle @akshaykapoooor
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